


A Tale of Rude Tourists

by Bilbosama



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack Fic, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, concept drabble, ed vs milk, familiar!alphonse, originally part of the big dang nnk2 fic collection until april 5 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bilbosama/pseuds/Bilbosama
Summary: One thing comes to mind when it comes to Al-Mamoon's milk fountains: What would be Edward Elric's reaction to them
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric
Kudos: 4





	A Tale of Rude Tourists

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted in Stick to the Script and Other Stories until I decided to move it out of there because that collection was like 90% nnk2 and it seemed so out of place.
> 
> _Original note: This idea has haunted me for years ever since I first stepped foot into Al-Mamoon and saw the milk fountains. At last I found the time to set it free._
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch or Fullmetal Alchemist. The Ni No Kuni series belongs to Level-5 and Bandai Namco. Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. This work is only permitted to be hosted on fanfiction.net (under the username bilbo-sama), archive of our own (bilbosama), tumblr (bilbosama), and dreamwidth (bilbosama). If this work appears on sites or apps I did not list above, it has been done so without my permission.

"This is disgusting!" yelled a young boy's voice. Oliver, Drippy, and Esther paused in their tracks and looked at each other in confusion. All three silently agreed to investigate. Just as well, it was close to the milk fountains outside of the palace. Asking the Cowlipha for a letter that grants them passage to Autumnia can be delayed just a little longer.

The source of the noise was an irate blonde boy who was gesturing wildly to a large brown and white robot-like familiar that seemed to tower over him even when slumping in tired resignation.

" _Brother,_ " it said to Oliver and Esther's surprise. Since when can familiars talk? " _It's not hurting anybody._ "

"But Al!" whined the boy as he pointed to the sky and Oliver blinked as something on the boy's wrist reflected light (a watch?), "Desert! Heat! Sand!"

" _That's what you find in deserts, yes,_ " agreed Al as it rested its head against its large clamp-like hand.

"Now combine that with..." the boy grimaced, "this foul substance, what do you get? Something even more gross!"

Oliver blinked as local onlookers muttered to each other. That's a good point, he realized. How are they keeping sand out of the milk fountains?

" _Magic, obviously,_ " if Al had the ability, Oliver was sure the familiar would roll its eyes.

"Excuse me," called a female merchant, "if you are done insulting the Cowlipha's gift to our kingdom, are you willing to purchase any wares?" Esther recognized the tone. She knew that everyone was going to raise prices out of spite once word has spread.

The familiar seemed to have caught on as well and let out a deep sigh as its summoner replied distractedly, "Yeah, sure."

* * *

"So you are my new master," said the alchemy genie (who had introduced himself as Al-khemi) as he leaned in closer for a closer look at Oliver.

"Indeed I am," replied the boy nervously.

"Then you must know there are rules as to what I can create," Al-khemi crossed his arms as he frowned at the young wizard.

"What are they?" asked the blonde girl in Mamooni garb who had introduced herself as Esther.

"Firstly, the most important one you should know," began the genie, "is that I cannot bring back people from the dead. It cannot be done and if you continue to insist like one of my last masters had, I will be forced to punish you for your arrogance. How do you like your limbs?"

"A-attached and unbroken," stammered Oliver as Esther squeaked a scared noise.

"Excellent," grinned Al-Khemi, "then we understand each other, yes?"

* * *

"Ugh, how much farther do we have to go?" grumbled Edward.

" _We'll be there soon, Brother,_ " Alphonse attempted to soothe his older brother as he paused to shake sand out of his leg joints.

"We better," huffed Edward, "Sage Rashaad said that this guy is the head honcho of the great sages."

" _What should we do if even Supreme Sage Solomon can't help us?_ " asked Alphonse.

"I...don't know," admitted Edward before he decided, "We'll figure something out."

As long as they don't need to turn to the Dark Djinn for guidance, they'll find a way to restore their bodies. Edward was sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so the familiar Al has been turned into is a Tin Man of the genus Automata. It would've been his familiar but Al-khemi did not approve of the brothers' shenanigans so Al got turned into his familiar and Ed lost his arm before losing a leg trying to negotiate with an already angry genie. Long story short, alchemy genies can't bring people back to life and pressing the issue will not end well for you.
> 
> Shadar in this AU leaves them be because Oliver is more of a threat to him and, well, the Elrics are already punished for their foolishness. Al was the one better with magic and he can't really do that anymore (since he's now limited to familiar abilities). So...they took themselves out and he didn't need to do anything.
> 
> They'll find a way to reverse this...eventually.


End file.
